"I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.”
-Audrey Hepburn
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I'm coping right now with all the impossible things I have asked myself to do. I have asked myself to write, produce, design, and act in my own one-man-show.... and to work on two other plays while doing that.... and remain a full time student.... and try to maintian a job on the side. The impossible. That is what I have asked of myself. Now, how do I do that?
Hell if I know. I'm just trying to cope.
Meanwhile, my love-life is a cosmic joke. but more on that later... maybe...
So then, how does an actor/designer juggle everything and still live a real life? Ask my professor and she will direct you to The Actor And The Target, a book thats been sitting on my shelf, unread, for about two years. Apparently it tells all the secrets on how to deal with the emotional roller coaster that is an actor's life. If I ever decide to pick it up, I will be sure to let you know all of the juicy secrets. Till then, I'll just try to hold on as I fly down each drop into an artistic and emotional revolution.
But, I always seem to pull it off. We all do. Under the extreme pressure of deadlines and our own personal expectations, we always seems to pull a decent piece of art out of our asses. But decent is never enough for me... I'm in constant competition with myself.
That's why I have yet to crank out the 'first draft' of my script. I have enough to piece together into a play, but it just doesnt work for me yet. (not to mention... I still have no idea how to end the damn thing). But, I'm under a deadline, and the powers that be are pushing for something to look at, so I am asking myself for a script. soon. really soon. like within a few days..... and i'll do it!!! I swear.
Anyway, that was my angst filled complaint about how rediculous I am. Onto something else....
A friend of mine wrote a facebook note today about the use of the word "gay". A student in her class used it with the intended meaning: "stupid"........... of course. This afternoon I heard it used in a similar fashion myself. And it got me thinking.
First off, it got me thinking about the use of the word "faggot". I hate, neh loathe, that word. And I'm not sure you can fully appreciate just how much a word like that can rip right through you until you have been called it out of hate. Two years ago I was called it out of hate while at a gas station. I was walking into the store and some bro in a truck (with his bro friends, of course), called out "Hey look at this faggot."... I said nothing, simply looked at him and continued walking. "Yeah!!... You like the dick. Look at you in your trucker hat." I said nothing, simply continued walking.
My lack of reaction seemed to be what was provoking him to continue talking. Thankfully that was the first, and only time I have been called that. But all that sticks-and -stones stuff is crap. I remember that like it happened yesterday, and it lasted all of five seconds.
Now the use of the word "gay" in referrence to someone being stupid, that just goes to support the ignorance of our nation. The fact that it is even still an issue or can be used in that context makes me sad. I truly feel bad for people that use it in that context; that they are... idk, so insecure with their sexuality, maybe?.... or need to reinforce their male brovado?... I'm really not sure at this point what compels people to still use it in that fashion. To cut down an entire community with bigotry and hate. I'm sorry for you, ASU boy.
Anne said it about as well as it can be said... "thanks asu boy, for your continued and astounding idiocy. you've really brightened my day.fucktwit."
I know its an issue we have all talked about at some point, and I am positive we all know people that still use 'gay' in that context. All I ask is that you never use it that way yourself.
On a side note... I am including some aforementioned memories in my play, and in telling one of them, I am going to act out all the members of my family. I will be using a fictional character to tell the story, but they are basically going to be my family. I told them that this was going to happen... my mother said she didnt want to come to the show anymore (kidding... i hope), and my brother is wildly excited to see himself onstage. We'll see how it plays out.
How would you feel about someone acting you out onstage? How would your family feel if you were portraying them??
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I am SERIOUSLY concerned about you acting me out on stage. Not that I have anything to hide....um....right?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, on this whole issue of calling people "gay"....I've observed this phenomenon, mostly amoung young and juvenile boys for a long time. At first I thought it was a matter of maturity. Like...they have none. Then I started thinking about it more deeply.
First of all, I dare say that the parents of these same people either share their stupidity, or somehow fostered it in their upbringing. At the very least, they didn't come from a home where kindness wasn't optional. (sorry, that was a double negative)
Secondly, it seems that the word is used in a broad spectrum of ways....to inflict emotional pain...which speaks of an underlying current of hate in our nation towards this sub-group.
I remember one kid...on a soccer team (he was about 12) ...and he would whisper insults to the kids on the other team to demoralize them. He's now in prison for stabbing someone. He came from a priveledged home. That kid used to make me SO MAD. You have no idea. I remember saying, "that kid is going to end up in prison."
Kids have killed themselves because they couldn't take the bullying (and yes, being called "gay" was part of the bullying). And not long ago a 12 year old kid was shot, point-blank in the back of the head, during class by a classmate who hated him for being effeminate. That shooter is going to prison, too.
This is the kind of garbage that comes from treating people in a sick and ugly way.
As a mother of boys I was partially responsible for helping them form their world view. Although they participated in sports, I did not push them to do so. Imagine my surprise when one of my sons came home to tell me that he was told by his peers that "boys don't play piano--only girls do". HOW STUPID IS THAT! I then launched into my speech about men having a greater hand span, which actually makes them better at piano playing. And then...."boys don't do gymnastics...only girls do." DUH! And..."boys dont cook, boys don't read poetry, boys don't....." WHO CAME UP WITH THESE RULES?
Anyway, this is an interesting topic and I think we would all be surprised at how many people (boys and girls) can cite examples of how they were hurt by this type of comment. It was even woven into one of your plays, Aaron. No doubt the playwright recognized it for its strong representation of America today.
Ok, so for your last question....I'm thinking of doing my own one-person play. How would you feel about me portraying YOU? Bwahaha. But of course, you know I love you....so you're safe.
Mother. I love you deeply, and I would never portray you in poor light. You are such an amazing woman, and should have nothing to fear. You are the reason I could care less about America's constructs of gender roles and what boys and girls "can and cannot do". I cook, sew, did gymnastics, am an artist, and am making a career based on my ability to express my inner emotions- and I still consider myself a strong and idependent male in our society.
ReplyDeleteYou raised two sons to be compassionate, and do what they love without regard for other people's expectations. If only a fraction of our nation's mother's did that, we would be in a much better place.
And I remember that kid from soccer. He pretty much got what was coming to him.
With regard to the 'gay' issue... I am talking about it in my show because it is a button topic, especially for artists and theatre people. Everyone (like you said), can cite examples of how it has effected them. And I hope, through the other stories in my show, that I will strike a lot more cords that way. We all share similar experiences in certain veins of life. The details may be different, but the experiences are there.
And I havent written the family scene yet.... I don't know that I will. So you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm stripping my heart and mind on stage, not my family's. So you have nothing to worry about.
And I completely support the idea of everyone in our family writing one-person-shows and performing them together. I think it would be fascinating to see memories told through all our eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would love to see you act me. ;)